Title: Breaking It Off
Warnings: past abusive relationship, some language
Summary: Julia needs to see Sean one more time to know that she made the right choice.
Length: ~1,600 words
Notes: Third person point of view, present tense. Genre is closest to drama.
Breaking It Off
“I’m flying to Cleveland
“What?” Sonya nearly shouts. “You can’t be serious! I thought we agreed that you would never see him again!”
“Relax. I’m not going to get back with him or anything.”
Sonya just shakes her head, and Julia can tell that she doesn’t understand. “But why are you going at all? I’m assuming you’re going to visit him?”
Julia nods.
Sonya groans. “You’re going to get back with him. God, Julia, it took you so long to break free of Sean, why would you –”
“That’s just it, though,” Julia interrupts. “I haven’t broken free of him yet, not really. I need to know, really know, that I made the right choice. And to do that – well, I need to see him again.”
Sonya puts her head in her hands and doesn’t say anything.
“I’m not going to get back together with Sean. I’m going to tell him that it’s over between us. And then I’ll fly back. I’ll be back by tomorrow, I promise.”
Sonya lifts her head up from her hands, and Julia is startled to see tears in her eyes.
“Just be careful,” her friend whispers. “I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
Julia leans over to give Sonya a hug. “I’ll be careful,” she promises.
On the flight back to Cleveland
Sean had been one of the sweetest boyfriends that Julia had ever known. He’d written poems for her, sung songs to her, baked cakes for her. She knew he had really loved her. But he’d always had a bit of a mean streak, a bit of a violent streak. One time he got so upset at a poker game that he punched the table. Just the table, but still her friends (mostly Sonya) advised her to break it off with Sean.
“You don’t want to be with a guy like that,” Sonya had said.
“It’s fine,” Julia had reassured her. “We love each other.”
Soon enough that became Julia’s constant refrain. When they let it slip that Sean thought it was funny to call Julia a whore – “It’s fine. We love each other.” When Sean hit Julia for the first time – “It’s fine. We love each other.” When Sean stopped writing her poems and singing her songs and baking her cakes and demanded that she pander to him instead – “It’s fine. We love each other.”
And they really did love each other. That was what kept Julia sane throughout it all, what helped her hold on. There were time when Sean was still the sweet boyfriend that she used to know, and even when she could see the demon rise up beneath his soft blue eyes, she knew that boyfriend was still in there, somewhere.
Actually, Julia isn’t sure now if her faith in their love is what saved her or nearly killed her. It kept her sane, but it also kept her with Sean for way too long.
“You can’t be with a guy you hits you!” Sonya had screamed when she found out. Julia had played it off – it’s fine, he didn’t mean it, he apologized – but of course she knew the truth in Sonya’s words.
She had tried to break it off with Sean that night, but he’d been so kind and loving and sincere. He had loved her, and she had loved him, and it seemed like any pain between them could never last, like their love could conquer it all.
Of course it couldn’t.
It had been so hard to break it off with Sean. Julia knows why Sonya is so worried about this – she doesn’t have the best track record with telling Sean no. But things are different now – Julia is stronger and more confident.
She’ll be okay. She promised Sonya.
When the plane lands, Julia listens to the voicemail on her phone for possibly the twentieth time.
“Julie,” Sean says, and his voice is so familiar and so broken. “It’s Sean. Listen, I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be calling you like this – but I have to talk to you. I’ve changed. I’m better now, and… I miss you. Call me, okay?”
This voicemail is the first of many. Julia hadn’t ever called him back. Instead, she’d gone for a more drastic option – to visit him.
Part of it is to see if he really has changed. She knows from experience that Sean is good at pretending to be better. She wants to see.
But most of it is to let him know that it’s over between them, completely and utterly.
Less than half an hour later, Julia stands in front of the decrepit door to Sean’s house. She knocks on it three times, careful not to break it down. Then she fidgets with her necklace as she waits for him to answer.
“Just a minute!” Someone (Sean) calls, and she hears footsteps walking to the door. A shiver runs up her spine at his familiar voice. That voice had called her the sweetest things and the worst things.
The door opens, and Sean is standing there. He looks good – beard trimmed, hair clean, eyes clear. His eyes widen as he sees Julia standing in front of him. “Julie?”
She offers him a tiny smile and a small wave. “Hi.”
Sean stands dumbfounded for a moment, and then some sense of manners seems to come back to him. He opens the door a bit wider, showing more of the inside of his house. Julia glances inside, searching for beer bottles, smashed glass, some of the signs that had been so apparent when they’d lived together. She sees nothing.
“Here, come on in,” Sean says, stepping back a bit. But Julia shakes her head.
“No, that’s alright. I’ve got something to say and I’m going to say it, and then I’m going to leave.”
“Okay.” Sean looks a bit confused, but he steps outside and closes the door, leaning back against it and crossing his arms. “Go ahead.”
Julia hesitates. Maybe she shouldn’t have come here alone. Sonya would’ve been willing to go with her, and she could’ve offered some protection. But Sean is on probation. There are probably security watching them right now. She’s safe.
“I got your calls,” she begins. “All seventeen of them.”
Sean winces. “I’m sorry about those,” he says. “I was stupid and lonely and depressed, and I missed you.”
“And drunk,” she adds. “You were drunk.”
“No, Julie!” His blue eyes look so genuine. “I don’t drink anymore. I don’t do a lot of things anymore. Listen, I’m so, so, so sorry about what I did to you. You deserve better –”
“Yeah,” Julia says coldly. “I do.”
“I’m better now,” Sean continues. “I can be better. You make me want to be a better person.”
Julia shakes her head. “You were a better person, Sean. You were the nicest boyfriend I ever had, for a while. But then, something changed. And I haven’t gotten you back since then.”
Sean latches onto her first words, the hope in his eyes almost painful. “I can be that person again, Julie. I just got messed up, started thinking things – hell, I don’t know what I was thinking, I just got so angry sometimes. But I can be that person again – I can write you poems again.”
“No, Sean, you can’t. And don’t call me Julie – you lost the right to call me that when you landed me in the hospital with a broken arm. Actually, you lost the right to call me that when you first hit me.”
Sean just stares at her, and he looks so broken and sad. Julia can’t help but feel that he really is sorry for all of this.
“I love you,” Sean says at last, a last-ditch attempt. “Isn’t that enough?”
“It should be,” Julia whispers. “But it’s not.”
No one says anything for a while. Julia stares at her feet, the painted-red toenails gleaming through her sandals. Sean closes his eyes and leans his head back against the fragile door.
Julia wonders if what they have – had – really is love. Love isn’t hurting people, calling names, and making each other miserable. She wonders if either of them have ever really known love.
“I’m sorry, Sean,” Julia finally says. He opens his eyes to meet hers, and behind the despair in his eyes, she thinks she sees a glimpse of the darkness that he sometimes tried so hard to hide. The darkness that had destroyed them. “We can’t be together. We’re bad for each other.”
Sean nods. “I think I knew that. I just missed you. Maybe… can we still be friends?”
Julia bites her lip. “No, Sean. What we need is a clean break.”
Sonya would argue that what they had was a clean break and that Julia was unnecessarily bringing it up again by visiting Sean. But she had never completely understood. Julia needs this confrontation. It’s one thing waking up in the hospital and being told that Sean would never hurt her again. It’s another thing to make sure of it herself.
“I should go,” Julia states.
“Yeah.”
Julia looks at her ex-boyfriend. He had written poems for her and beat her, insulted her and cared for her. Was what they had love? Or just two peoples’ need for a connection?
“Bye, Sean,” she says.
Sean looks at her with his soft-demon eyes. “Bye.”
As she walks away from his run-down house, Julia decides once and for all – whether or not they loved each other, she had made the right choice.
Now she could get on with her life.
The End!
Insightful story about the complicated feelings in these types of relationships. This is a very difficult topic and you did a great job with it! A few suggestions: It's a little hard to believe she would fly all the way to another city for such a short conversation so may have been better to just have him getting out of jail and her going to confront him. Also, would like to have seen something like "Even more importantly, she promised herself" after the paragraph which ends "She’ll be okay. She promised Sonya." All in all, though, this was really well done!
ReplyDeleteThis is another very well written story. It is extremely perceptive and rings true to the dynamics at play. I enjoy the images you give us, such as the door being fragile which can reflect the Julia's trip or Sean's portrayal of having changed. Also the "painted red toenails gleaming" is another nice image. These add texture and are a great opportunity to speak to and engage the reader on multiple levels My suggestion for possible edits would be to consider expanding the end as it felt a little abrupt.
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